Hi, y'all. Sorry I have gone into hiding for some time. I have peeked in here occasionally, but have been reluctant to post because I don't have the time I used to and "didn't want to get involved." (As involved.)
Here is something from recent trip to Paris for a conference. After reading wolfie's comments, I thought it might be nice to add something different, albeit slanted, about the city of the lights.
Ah, Paree! City of Lights! City That Never Sleeps! City That Would Sleep If Only Someone Remembered To Turn Out The Lights!
As Bogart once said, "We'll always have Paris. We lost it for a moment, then I thought, ‘Hey, I'll look in France!' And there it was." And there it still is, the Left Bank, the Right Bank, even the Middle Bank (but that's completely in-Seine). On the Left Bank you can ride the funincular to the foot of Sacre Couer and on the piggybank you can ride piggyback on the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Ah, Paris! City of lovers and Louvres. Van Gogh and Gaugin. Monet, Manet, and his evil clone, mini-Manet.
The Eiffel Tower is an eyeful. It is taller than the Waffle Tower, the International House of Pancakes, and Italy's Leaning Tower of Pizza Hut combined.
What we think of as fountains are actually bird-bidets. Monster birds swoop down decorating statues with their giant payloads of poop. The only relief for these put-upon statues is when gulls drop their tiny payloads of poop. Thank heaven for little gulls!
Speaking of Monster Birds, Tokyo has Godzilla, but Paris has its Rodin. This great flying lizard, nicknamed "The Thinker" paralyzes populations with existentialist thought waves.
Paris is consumed by sports. Everywhere you see signs for the Champs d'Elysees or the Noisy Champs. The Pantheon, stadium for the national team the Pantheon Panthers, is also where they bury their most famous sports legends, including Hugo the Victor, Descartes, inventor of the go-cart, and Emile Zola, inventor of the jacuzzi. Other great French inventors include Voltaire, inventor of static electricity, Aristide Bruant, who invented kitty litter at the Chat Noir, and Napoleon, who invented flushable toilets at Waterloo.
Paris is a moveable feast. In fact, their highest award is the croissant of honor, a completely edible medal. For food, you can pick a boulangerie (pronounced peek-a-boo lingerie) you can choose (pronounced choose) from eclairs, crepes, and, of course, over 200 types of cheese. Speaking of cheesy, they have EuroDisney, proof again that American cheese is an oxymoron.
Down at the Moulin Rouge, the Can-Can girls could-could and did-did. While across the street at the Folies Bergeres they have the dancing baguettes, who are older and baggier than the Rockettes. But I'm getting off-track, or as the French like to say, "Too Loose Le Track."
Finally, it would be hard to speak about France without mentioning wine (called ‘vin'). You can drink it straight or mixed with Coca-Cola (called coq au vin). Similarly, you can drink Vichy water straight or mixed with Swiss Cocoa (vichy-souisse).
I hope this has convinced you to visit Paris. Even more, I hope you appreciate the fact that I avoided cheap jokes about gay Paris and the Grand Prix.
Ah Paree!
Posted on July 28, 2003 by Mudpuppy
